Women's Workshop - March 1996
To: The
Ixtlan Mailing List hello my male
friends! the workshop
jumped right into a great start with carlos giving a lecture. he said the
position of the ap is opposite in men than in women. i don't remember if it's
the shiny side in for women and out for men, or the other way 'round. the
point is that because of this, men and women "perceive" the world
in entirely different ways. he talked of the how the universe was female, and
that the male is an extension of the female. he stated that the christian
philosphy about women coming from mans' rib was nonsense, it was the other
way 'round. men are an extension of us. he talked of how males are rarities,
and because of this, they have elevated themselves to this point of
importance. have subdued women, that society trains women to be of service to
men. he says we are trained to forget or ignore the second function of the
womb. that second function is that the womb is a "thinking" organ.
not thinking as in "mind" but that it perceives. he said men are
frail, that women have this large vast underlying area from which to pull
from. men have to work their entire lives to see. and they see with the
entirety of their bodies. whereas women see all the time.. with their wombs,
but that we have been trained in the social order to not be aware of this.
and that we should never allow a man to "dominate" us.. but that we
should understand their fraility. males are rare, and they are frail. the
social order in one way is designed to protect them. they are always looking for
"mommy". :) and who raises these boys? women. it is ridiculous. we
raise our little boys to keep us in our "place". he said that men
and women have to work in unison for anything to work. and that when men see,
they put it into a structure, whereas us women, we see and it is like
"so?" because we see all the time. men categorize, taxonomy. they
go on forever with it. which we have all seen on these lists... he said that
mankind is on the way out, and the only way to survive is with evolution. but
that it is the women who can create this evolution. women are the driving
force. and men are the ones to implement what the women "see". so
to speak. this email is from my own memory. i did not take verbatem notes..
and this is basically, the way i understood what his words were.. and also,
some of it is his direct words. naturally, someone asked about their
husband.. their kids. carlos said that he didn't want to see 50 divorces take
place, but that we should not let the male dominate us. he said courtship takes
all our energy. and why? if you want sex, then have it, but don't put in all
the courtship "relationship" "love" thing.. if you don't
like sex, then tell the your husband to go have it with someone else. he said
women are trained in the social order to hate each other. to be competitive.
he said that they are friends and all loving with each other, but then when a
male enters the scene.. well.. all that goes out the window. :) women are the
only ones who can do the evolution thing. it is up to us. he had us all
laughing with acting out his talk about how a man does anything to a women,
and then when the women is angry, he just has to act like a "poor
baby" and the women forgive them and go to take care of them.. it was
hilarious. :) but very true! he suggested to the women in relationships..
married or whathaveyou, to go without sex, and just see what happens. taisha abelar
spoke the next morning. this is more difficult to remember. i'm not quite a
"morning" person! :) she talked about her time in the trees.. and
how after accumulating enough silence, she saw two female beings standing by
her. she felt total affection and "safeness" from them.. she said
they were scouts. she once asked them to take her to where they came from and
she traveled down a tube. tunnel. they call this the "junkyard" of
the universe. it is filled with all sorts of unrecognizable things.. anyway,
there was a light at the end of this tunnel. she also said these were the two
she has names for.. but i never seem to remember their names.. but you all
remember hearing about them before. she said women are tubes. they have
direct access and "membership" in the inorganics world. the
inorganics world is a parallel world to our own. she said that any women who
remains in total silence from anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour will see
this tube entrance to that other world. but don juan had told her not to
travel it if she didn't feel she had the energy. one can get lost in that
world and never return. she said that the silence a woman holds before that
tube appears gives her the sobriety needed to travel it.. where as men have
to work years to gain that sobriety. florinda donner
grau. ah. she talked about fucking. :) had us in tears of laughter! :) she
talked about an abstract energy that don juan called the wind. she told us an
absolutely hilarious story about how don juan told her to spread her legs to
the wind. i dont' think i could really repeat the entire story.. but she was
with old florinda and don juan. and don juan asked her if she wanted to see
what the "wind" did to (old)florindas' pussy. and of course
florinda was shocked and thinking "dirty old man" and all that..
that next he'd be pulling out his penis. which of course, after he told old
florinda to show her her pussy, he did show her his penis. we were in
stitches at this point.. she delivered this story with such elegance, and her
pantomined outrage was hilarious! anyway, nelida was there as well, and
admonished don juan. said "you shouldn't talk to her that way. it is not
a wind, it is an abstract energy" well.. old florinda took florinda out
to the courtyard and had her take her panties off, lift her dress and lay
exposed for the "wind". also, don juan told her she should never
wear panties. and florinda said.. "what about discharge?!" and don
juan said that all those female complaints, are because women only use their
womb for one function, that the womb is ill because of not using it's second
funciton. or something to that affect.. anyway.. so florinda's lying there,
and falls asleep. next thing she knows.. she's being fucked. (that's her
words.. :) and she starts screaming and yelling.. thinking one of those
"mexicans" got her! :) well.. the whole point is that there is an
abstract energy that women should open themselves up to. well... she didn't
want us all going out there and doing this.. i believe one needs an amount of
accumulated silence for this, but evidently, she wanted us to be aware of
this. she said they called old florinda "florindabate" ahahhaahahh!
:) also, she said that it can come into your house. we don't need to be
outside. carol tiggs.
again, a morning talk.. so i was not quite all together.. she talked about
how her and carlos had to be together. (evidently something don juan had told
them) but that they argued constantly! she told us three stories to
illustrate the womb. those stories were about that world the two of them have
gone where she has a husband and a child. where she and carlos are
recognized. she said she talked to don juan about this, and he said that they
weren't people, that when one's assemblage point moves to perceive another
world, it automatically interprets that world into something familiar. he
said she could see that world more clearly than carlos using the perception
of her womb. she doubted this.. but one day, she slipped to that world, and
it was all fragments, and she couldn't really make heads or tails out of what
she was "seeing" but then something else rearranged the whole order
of it, and she saw the house that they always dreamed to. she said that
whenever in another realm, to return, you have to retrace your steps back to
where you entered it from. i wish i could remember more. i know inside i have
been highly affected, but i cannot really remember. she looked younger than
in oct. about 30 at the most. actually, she was quite beautiful. the blue scout.
i was affected immediately when she walked on stage. she read a chapter from
carlos' new book. it was great. i was nearly put to sleep.. no.. that's not
quite right. the affect of her kept me nearly in a sleep state.. i would
close my eyes, but then it always came to a point where i felt i was going to
fly off.. and so i'd open my eyes and try to remain cognizant. i didn't think
she looked at all like carlos or carol. she had grey hair. she was just..
powerful. i cannot describe. we learned the
passes from each woman. the blue scouts were by far the most powerful.
everytime we did them, and you know how we do them over and over, everytime i
swore i was going to pass out. a person i was somewhat there with, i
mentioned this to.. she said she felt the same way. at the time we attributed
it to exhaustion, as this was sunday afternoon.. the last session.. but now i
know it was not. for as i do her passes even now.. i get the same total light
headedness. sat evening
taisha and florinda spoke, and answered questions. stalking. dreaming. they
said that this stuff about "i'm a stalker, and i'm a dreamer" is
not right. we are or need to be both. a stalker fixes the ap into place, the
dreamer moves it. dreaming attention has nothing to do with the dream. the
dreams contents don't matter. that one should not be striving to control
dreams, but to control ones attention in the dream. taisha had to stalk being
a female after her tree thing. living in the trees for a year and a half had
twisted her ap so they had her stalk the female position in order to untwist
it. this entailed finding all and everything it entailed to be a women in her
day and age. she went to parties, and learned to flirt. flirting she said is
allowing the womb to express or flow out through the body. female energy.
which of course, males respond to. :) the final
lecture. carlos. he talked about the flyers. also, constantly repeating to us
from friday to sunday that we are beings who are going to die. it is not
negative he said. but that it gives us an option. we have nothing to lose. in
fridays lecture he said women can naturally tune out the flow of the world.
"you get angry, you tune out your boyfriend" he said and proposed
to us "what would happen if you just tuned it all out for no reason. not
in anger, not in pity, but just for the hell of it." well.. back to
sunday. :) he said that our entire minds are the installation of an alien
entity. it is an organic entity but has no structure. (body) he said with
recap, we find out what they've done to us. what we are. and that when we do
that, and fight this "mind" we then have options. he said we exist
on a small space called the social order. and he wants us to pull away from
that social order to the deeper levels. he said the entire social order is
manufactured by the flyers. they eat our awareness down to our toes. (back to
friday.. he said energy has nothing to do with being fat, or skinny, but when
he talks of a persons energy, he means the finite amount of energy contained
within our luminous sphere) anyway, awareness is not energy.. he said when we
are born, the flyers immediately push our energy bodies away from us..
because if they didn't, the energy body would see and recognize the flyers..
and stop them from feeding. he said we are born with a sheen of awareness
that covers our entire luminous sphere, but the flyers eat it down. the
sorcerers.. warrior works to bring that awareness back. but that it is a
fight for life. as the chacmools have shown us. one small instant, one moment
of breaking that fight, and the flyers instantly devour our awareness back to
our toes. he said that once we raise our awareness we find we have options.
the social order space that we exist in gives us none. we are what the flyers
have installed in us. we have no choice but to be who or what our
"minds" are. and our minds are a foreign installation. as we fight
this, ah.. he told a story to illustrate. he needed to see a dentist. but his
trusted dentist had died. so, his options. he said.. ah.. hard to remember
the words! something about intent, spirit.. or, to act in the social order
and call a dentist for an appointment. options. we have none as it is now.
but raise that awareness and we no longer *have* to be who we are believed to
be. he talked alot about things, and had us laughing.. he said he sees us
getting crushed down and has to lighten us up.. but the only way to talk
about the flyers is with complete sobriety. i remember more
about carol. she talked about evolution. what is it? she says no one really
knows.. the dinosaurs intended their evolution, and became birds. she said
women are who will bring about the evolution of mankind. someone said to
carlos that mankind was such a small space on the bands of the universe.. why
worry about it? he said that he doesn't.. but that he is a man himself. he
said that we (humans) are exqusite beings.. i think it just comes down to his
predilection, and affection.. i mean, i feel the same way in a sense. for
humankind. someone asked carlos what discipline was. since discipline is what
we need to use to fight the flyers. he said that by discipline he didn't mean
like, ah.. that discipline was the sustaining of a mood. not like making or
forcing yourself to do something.. but that is was sustaining constantly..
sustaining the fight. this workshop
and what they said i understood it in a different way than i ever have
before. i had a slight horror of realization when being driven down the
freeway in my shuttle to the airport. that i was speeding along in a vehicle
driven by someone who's mind was totally of a forgein installation. i can no
longer take the actions of the social order seriously when all i can think as
i am talking to someone, that i am dealing with a foreign installation. they
(whoever i'm dealing with) is who they are, and acting as they are because
they have no option. how can i be angry over their words or actions when it
is the product of a foreign installation designed to keep them as cattle for
feed? i cannot. this workshop has changed me at a level deeper than any
before. i feel something else for these people i meet and talk to.. interact
with. and it has become a folly. in the sense that, i do not feel glued..
stuck.. attached to the social order. how can i? of course, i may lack a
moment of sobriety and be eaten to my toes, and then be caught back up in a
mind that is not mine. carlos says our entire minds are an installation of
the flyers. i believe him. there is so
much more.. but i cannot remember all of it. oh.. carlos did talk about his
oakland thing. i understand it much better now. he said that they don't have
the energy like don juan did, because don juan was focusing only on his
lineage. he said that people saying they were taught by don juan are full of
it, because don juan was not a teacher. he was interested ONLY in
prepetuating his lineage, and once he had gathered the people he needed, he
was done with it. well.. like i
said, alot of this is my interpretation. i send it to you, some have asked
for it, some i just felt to.. a lot of stress was placed on the social order
of women and men. as carlos says, he is only the chauffer.. it is the women
who direct him. i feel it
important for the male warrior to understand his position, and the womens'
position. it is not a power fight. it is not a competition. it is not women
trying to be men, as the women libbers do. :) men put things into structure.
and women are the driving force. somewhere inside of me those sorcerers have
told me about the male being frail. the male being rare. and some where
inside of me i feel this. but i cannot utilize this. i have the utmost
affection for all of you.. and hope some of this may aid you in your own
fight against the flyers, and your own move towards freedom. as carlos
stated, we are equal beings. it just takes men longer to arrive at certain
points. hedgehog P.S. |
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